The holidays have a way of turning the volume up on everything: the music in stores, the smell of favourite foods, the constant “What are your plans?”, and for anyone carrying grief, those moments can feel painfully sharp.
As Dr. Erin Gallagher (McMaster University) reminds us, grief is not always triggered by the big milestones. Sometimes it is the simplest things like grocery shopping for one, seeing a parent with their child, making weekend plans or just waking up and realizing, again, that someone you love is gone. So when the holiday season arrives, it is no surprise if your grief intensifies, peaks unexpectedly or shows up in waves that can’t be planned but catch you off guard.
Here is the truth so many people need to hear: love does not end with death. Because love continues, the holidays can reopen the sense of loss in a way that everyday routine sometimes softens. Society encourages “holiday spirit”, but the sights, sounds and smells can pull you straight into memories. Courtship memories, family traditions, that special gift or the smell of a favoured cologne or perfume as you make your way through a store. There are no simple guidelines that erase that hurt, but there are gentle, practical ways to move through this season with more support and less pressure.
If you are grieving, let it be real (and let it be yours)
Talk about your grief. Saying their name, sharing what you miss or inviting others at the table to do the same can be deeply comforting. Ignoring grief rarely makes it smaller, it often just makes it lonelier.
Be kind to your limits. Grief is exhausting. Fatigue, low energy and foggy thinking are common. Lower your expectations of yourself and give your body and mind permission to slow down. Don’t feel you have to say yes to every invitation or opportunity to volunteer.
Plan ahead, but leave wiggle room. A simple schedule can help you feel steadier, even if it is just a few anchors, a walk with a friend, a short visit, a quiet morning at home. Decide which traditions you want to keep, which you want to pause and which new ones you want to begin. Also, have an exit plan for gatherings, so you can step away without guilt if it becomes overwhelming.
Make space for memories. Look at old photos, create a memory box, write a letter to your loved one, visit a meaningful place or create a small ceremony. If memories bring laughter, let yourself smile. If they bring tears, let yourself cry.
Stay connected on purpose. Reach out proactively to friends, family or a healthcare provider. Consider cooking a meal, pursuing an activity, supporting a cause, volunteering, planting a tree or doing something that carries a piece of their legacy forward.
If someone you know is grieving, don’t tiptoe
Acknowledge that this season may be hard and ask how you can support them. You will not be the one to “make them sad”. They are already thinking about their person, and your kindness can make them feel less alone.
Be careful not to make their grief all about yourself. You don’t make space for them to grieve if you’re telling stories about your own life or someone you work with who is experiencing grief.
Be aware
If your grief feels unmanageable, or you are worried about someone else, please reach out to a healthcare professional. Support is not a luxury at this time of year, it is part of care.
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